I have this very cool little desk calander which has inspired me to include “sayings” on my website. Just something to hopefully bring a smile to your face every now and again! These are all from my “Women’s Wit Calendar” unless otherwise specified.

• Just saw a careers counselor. Turns out I’d be perfect for working for the airlines because I’m always late and I lose things. (Simone Alexander)
• You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. (Erican Jong)
• I don’t own a computer. I’m waiting for the kind where I can look at the screen and say, “Hey, I need a pizza”, and one comes out and hits me in the eyebrows. (Kathleen Madigan)
• I don’t visit my parents often because Delta Airlines won’t wait in the yard while I run in. (Margaret Smith)
• Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. (Ann Landers)
• One reason I don’t drink is I want to know when I’m having a good time. (Lady Nancy Astor)
• If at first you don’t suceed, why go on and make a fool of yourself? (Susanna Pomeroy)
• I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it’s because the water is cold in there. And I’m like, how did my mother know that? ( Wendy Liebman)
• I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good book. Or a friend who’s read one. (Phyllis Diller)
• Generally it’s not a good idea meeting guys in a bar. It’s like grocery shopping when you’re hungry; you bring home stuff you don’t need. (Cory Kahaney)
• What you eat standing up doesn’t count. (Beth Barnes)
• I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage, and guarantee he’d be dead within a year. (Bette Davis)
• My husband and I have worked out a really good system about the housework. Neither one of us does it.
• One reason I don’t drink is I want to know when I’m having a good time. (Lady Nancy Astor)
• The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. (Joan Rivers)
• The only thing that men are good for, they’re not very good at. (Peg Bundy, Married with Children)
• Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.